B
alancing commitments is very hard. It is, in fact, one of the principle and recurring problems that face the skilful handling of any human life. Commitment is a saber, cutting off whatever else you might want to do with that time and energy. Commitment is also a garden, from when comes all the fruits of life.
For the past couple years, I've been moonlighting as an art teacher online. I like teaching art, I think I'm fairly good at it, and I like seeing my students develop. But I have a lot going on in my life right now, and my student's classes can currently only be in the late evening during the week, meaning that they close off whole days to flexible planning. At this point, the amount that those classes pay, and the satisfaction that I derive from them, simply don't outweigh the effect on my schedule.
So, last night I had to tell a precocious twelve-year-old, who has the capability to go very far with her art, that I wouldn't be able to teach her anymore. That sucked, I did not care for it. It's one of those dilemmas where I'm going to feel bad and guilty either way -- but at least with the path I've chosen, it's a clean break, rather than an ongoing struggle.
I hope the best for her, and I hope she sticks with her art.