T
oday is my birthday -- for the next year, I'll be the same age Christ was when he was crucified. As St. Paul tells us, our sin is crucified with Christ, and we are resurrected in Him. That first part is painful -- or more than painful; it is Death. Death of sin still unmakes us utterly, before we can be remade, and we will fight that Death with all we have, most of the time. But we are not finished creations. No matter how much we identify with our bad habits, our selfish motives, and our corrupted natures, they are not the end; we made to be in motion, hopefully though not assuredly, toward our Final End.
Regardless of what potential sufferings await me this year, in one very powerful way I will certainly be crucified, and resurrected. In a few short months, my first child will be born, if the Lord have mercy. My old ways will put to rest, and a new man will be born. I don't know what it will feel like; but three of my very close friends have had their first children within the last year, and their transformations into fatherhood have been marked, refreshing, blessed. I can't wait to be among their number.
I fancy to myself that it will be akin to my first Confession. The anxiety and excitement leading up to it, the unbelievable relief during, the sense of love, and that everything was different afterward. Life ought to be punctuated by these experiences, even punctured by them, when the ordinary fabric is pierced, and the effects reverberate forward and backward in time, making all things new. We need to be made new; ideally not once, but many times, rejuvenated in the many waters of youth spilling into us from That which is beyond all time.