I
swear you just schedule these appointments up as a joke. Well, clothes off, Mr. 'Smith', let's get down to it. How are you feeling these days? You're not a young man anymore; any aches or pains starting to crop up?"
"Nothing. Hale as a horse. It's just a regular check-up, doctor; don't want the insurance going to waste."
"Mm. I notice you only seem to need them when things are slow around here. Don't want to be wasting my time when I could be seeing actually sick people, I imagine?"
"Humor me. Everyone needs a check-up every now and then."
"Don't they though. Alright, have you picked up smoking since last time?"
"No, sir."
"How many drinks a week?"
"I don't drink."
"Of course not. Are your vaccines up to date? ...no, I suppose they wouldn't be."
"I did try, once or twice."
"I wouldn't want to see the needle that could do it. Alright, up on the table, relax the legs. And...now the other... yes, don't know why I bother. Nothing."
"You could try a real hammer."
"Always the joker. Open the mouth and say aaa."
"Aaa."
"Hmm. Remarkably ordinary. Very well. Let's take a look at the peepers... as expected. No contraction whatsoever. We can go down the list, Mr. Smith, but I think we both know what we'll find. And what we can't find."
"It makes me feel better just to have someone take a look. I hope I'm not wasting your time."
"Today, I'm made of time. Now, what you're made of is another story. I thank God you're not over 50 yet, and we can dispense with attempting a prostate exam. You would find that funny, wouldn't you."
"Not as funny as you think, doctor. Sometimes, actually, I do worry about it."
"About cancer? Plenty for some folks to worry about, but I should hope not you."
"That's it though, isn't it? How would I know? What could I do if I did know?"
"Mm. I'd advise not thinking about it too much. You've been through a great deal, and still appear just about the healthiest man alive. But... well, yes. I do still have the X-rays from last time."
"The man in black."
"Indeed. 'The human silhouette'. You must think of it from time to time, Mr. 'Smith' -- the great mystery inside you? The impenetrable dark. An unremarkable exterior, but frankly...inside, who knows."
"Not a comforting thought. But...one I've entertained from time to time. Let's hope everything's alright in there. All the strength in the world isn't worth much without your health."
"Wise words. Let's just say, I wouldn't start smoking. Best to be on the safe side. Anyway, I think this particular charade's gone on long enough. Stop worrying; doctor's orders. Is there anything else I can do for you, Mr. 'Smith'?"
"Thoughts and prayers?"
"I'll put you on the list."